#17: Client Convo! How to Not Get Stuck in Other People's Opinions with Kirsten J. Parker

Meet Decision Masters Program member Kirsten Parker! (Nope, we literally never get tired of that 😅) 

KJP shares extraordinary wisdom & personal stories in this interview! Including:

• How she stopped overthinking the decision to start her own business and leave her job of 22 years 🙌
• That the "biggest helpful change through the program" was changing the habit of getting stuck in other people's opinions, ideas & judgments 🧘‍♀️
• Why it's vital to update your goals & values rather than stay stuck in your old definition of "success"
• What making a Clean Decision feels like (and why her decisions don't feel muddy & never-ending anymore!) 🦸‍♀️
• And how, despite our enthusiasm for getting Gold Stars with all our decisions, it's the ultimate gift to embrace surprises and not judge them as completely good/bad in the moment

Here are just SOME of the highlights: 

How she made the MILLION decisions involved in changing careers efficiently with the help of the DMP...

[2:50] "I mean, there's like a million decisions...So that's all buzzing through my head. I'm scrolling through your site and it's like, 'Would you like to make decisions more efficiently?' And I was like, 'Oh, Uh, oh, this is for me.'"

[6:47] "Being able to hear myself more clearly was so critical. It was so important. And what that means to me is not just, you know, write down my priorities and goals — but hear what I want in my heart, more clearly.

And it takes some practice to be able to do that, and some tools, because the outside voices are very loud. There's a lot of people outside of me who have opinions and preferences and would be highly inconvenienced by this impending decision. And I felt very paralyzed by that."

Our decisions and other people...

[7:45] "I had that sense of responsibility toward everybody else, but I didn't have that sense of responsibility toward myself, and my purpose, and my life...I think I really needed to marinate in that, but not get STUCK there."

But how can you care about the people you care about AND want them to think you're making good decisions...at the same time that you prioritize YOURSELF and make decisions YOU think are right? 

Kirsten explains how this worked for her, and how it wasn't the "drastic 180" you might think!

[13:40]"By making decisions that felt true to me, and then telling people about it — that in & of itself inspired people!"

Choosing not to be a "Talk-it-Out Person" anymore...

[15:30] She successfully ended the "perpetual feedback loop" (when you think about deciding something, ask for people's opinions on it, and simply REPEAT).

[17:20] KJP explains how she went from a self-proclaimed "Talk-it-Out Person" who didn't know what she thought or felt about something until she got others' feedback on it...to someone who KNOWS what she thinks, KNOWS what she feels, and can just DECIDE and go!

"I don't need to run it by everybody else first!" 

What really happens when you set a goal then "change your mind"...

[21:50] "The reality is: life happens, and things change! And YOU change as a result. And because you change, it is totally acceptable to have different goals, and different values...And not just 'acceptable' but NORMAL...It'd be so weird if you had the exact same values and motivations as when you were 20!"

[23:00] "It was so freeing - SO FREEING - to say, 'Yes, that's what I wanted then, and that was ok. And here's what I want now, and that's ok. And in the future, there's gonna be something else that I want, and that's ok too!"

[24:00] The exact tool that helped her NOT beat herself up for changing her mind or giving up on things she'd invested so much time, money, ETC into...(Hint: it's Compassionate Self-Forgiveness)

How emotions about losing her first husband to ALS showed up in her decision to leave her job...

[28:15] "Surprises" are impossible to judge as "good or bad" in the moment. 

[31:40] The importance of being able to process ALL of that emotion in order to make CLEAN decisions about her career.

Clean vs. Muddy Decisions... 

[34:40] In the past, decisions felt very muddy & "I never felt like they were over."

"Now, being able to make these CLEAN decisions so I know these are my values, this is where I'm headed, this is what I want...I can handle other people's opinions in a way that's sensitive & thoughtful...It's very clean and easy [to make a decision]. And it's very clean & easy to change your mind and decide to do something else. And it's because I'm a Decision Master!"

Plus: The 3 Interviewee Questions!

1. What would you say to someone considering the DMP but not sure if coaching's right for them...? 

When I joined, I thought "Ok, I'm gonna get these tools, I'm gonna be able to apply these tools, and move forward and make good decisions." Which happened, YES.

But, the magic was those group sessions. Where you would coach, and I would hear you coach someone else on a decision challenge they were having, and I would hear exactly what I needed to hear in that moment for the thing in my life.

And that's a secret magic sauce that you can't get anywhere else. It's so powerful to go through that experience with others. It really magnifies the ability for you to make progress. 

SO if you're a person who's considering meeting with Kirsten, spend that time! Take an hour...that coaching really helped. It helped me see who I am, and maybe some of the kind of "practical pitfalls" I was having in the past, and how I might move forward.

And it's been life-changing.

2. What kind of decision maker do you consider yourself to be? 

Calm, confident, enlightened, clean.

3. What's the most self-honoring decision you've made in the last week, that you want to share with us?

Tune in for KJP's answer about not overthinking her family's upcoming vacation — so good!

Kirsten Parker:

As a professional executive communications coach and adviser, Kirsten Parker helps corporate leaders increase their impact by becoming better, more influential communicators. She's worked with more than fifty C-level execs of Fortune 500 companies, and now helps consulting and IT executives one-on-one to become more impactful and influential communicators. Kirsten's clients achieve increased visibility and recognition at work and generate a legacy of impact for years to come. 

More links:

• Kirsten Parker Coaching & Consulting: https://kirstenjparker.com/
• Kirsten Parker on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirstenjparker/
• Decision Masters Program: https://www.kirstenparker.com/dmp 
• Enneagram Personality Assessment: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/rheti
• The Compassionate Self-Forgiveness Process (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh82Tqm36j8) by Dr.s Ron & Mary Hulnick (https://www.ronandmaryhulnick.com/)
• Listen on Apple iTunes
• Download the Transcript